there’re so so many ways my own margin of error’s hit TILT.
the closer i get to any discussion the worse i feel because the overlapping timelines in people’s heads make me want to rip out my own throat, rather than resolve them. reading of paradigm shifts in their original language — am i moving from the normal science of greens into big systems hysteria — from futures and strategic reserves to home batteries and weird wire math — from cartels to co-ops — what the hell is going on — i don’t want to be perfect — i don’t have to be perfect — but how many paradigms are we talking about, here?
san francisco’s working hard on this. california’s got to wait.
this is a hard thing to do by percentage. people say, “i need to know the costs, i need to understand.” and what can you say?
“no gas cars in 2020. no coal plants in 2020. cargo and intercity travel largely by train. building codes completely redone. agriculture. here: read the list.
“it’s long.”
maybe this is my maxed out. diversity and effectiveness are flat. i never thought my will to live was built of imagination. thought it was instinctual. animal. maybe i’ve gone pre-traumatic disorderly. maybe one morning the air won’t let me breathe like in the nightmare or maybe it will be slow.
this is how you want me to think, right?
terrorized and petrified so your life goes how you want it?
maybe i’ll be you. maybe win for the rest of the time.



ring ring ring